Lee Swords Fishing

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July Blog part deux

I have an article in Coarse Angling Today this month ( July/August 2013), which is nice because it means that I must be getting ever more awesome by the day as only awesome people can get their names into print…Pftttt, yeah right!

Anyone with half a brain and a decent computer can put together anBang tidy! article in less than a day or two and if they have a bit of “character” and a camera with the accompanying aesthetic appreciation skills to capture what is occurring around them they are all set to go and ready to start churning articles out by the dozen.

I wrote my first article for CAT about 10 years ago and looking at it now…it was fooooking abysmal… but everything in life is a learning  curve and when I look at the one in this months CAT I can appreciate that my writing skills and camera skills have indeed been ameliorated over time and it is in no way prideful on my part to say that my writing skills and camera  skills are no longer what can be classed as abysmal, they are simply poor.

Luckily for me the CAT mag has  great  behind the scenes  editors and such likes that can polish my literary “turds” up to a mirror finish, which is something that should inspire anyone to have a crack at it..and if you feel that you would like a bit of practice…practice here!

I amBAGGING MACHINE!! always on the lookout for guest writers to have a go, just so long as your theme is interesting and you are not planning on writing an article about fishing shallow or cupping pellet and corn in the margins for F1′sF1 Carp...Bag of wank! we are all good to go!

I don’t do shitty articles about margin fishing for genetic freaks, I leave that to the Angling Times, they love to write up articles about potting in caster and chopped worm  or meat and corn and occasionally pellet and paste…the Angling Times are a big concern and I don’t want to steal their thunder or tread on their toes so I will leave that little bit of the angling world to them…They are welcome to it.


Night fishing…Just be careful out there..it’s a jungle!

I fished a short session on the Trent last week and bagged a few fish I also bagged a few bites…and not the three foot twitches that I generally like to get ( not to be confused with the second rate three foot twitch bait company that likes to plagarise and copy other men’s hard work and sells shit standard copycat  bait to gullible idiots)

Nope these were mozzie and midge bites…they came up about a day after I had been fishing and itched like a bugger for about three days! I bloody hate getting bitten by creatures  with tubes for faces, I don’t mind taking the odd bite from succubus princesses whilst dreaming wildly erotic Gothic dreams but I draw a line at various species of Culicidae from the order of Nematocera, I have no time for these creatures with a taste for human hemoglobin!

Can they not smell that I am covered from head to toe in N,N-Diethyl-meta-toluamide a chemical  more commonly known as DEET, generally this stuff does the business for me but recently it seems to have been slightly off the boil when it comes to keeping the mozzies at bay!

So it looks like I will be trying out a few different and new repellents because I don’t like getting sucked dry…well…I do but not by bloody insects!

 Yes…I am a Daily Mail reader…I have been for many years and I am proud of it!

As I have said a million times and will probably have to say a million times more ” I AM NOT A LEFT-WING SOCIALIST TYPE OF PERSON” I am the type of person that would pretty much fall under the “fascist” label that is so frequently dished out by the yoghurt knitting lefties that want to love everyone regardless of whether or not  they are absolute and utter shits that deserve to be incinerated at the local refuse department.

Yes, that’s right I do believe that some people would benefit humanity most by being incinerated, at least that way we would be able to harness some of the energy that is so frequently wasted of the wasters of the world.

So much effort is wasted on the dross of society, so many excuses rolled out in protection of these vulnerable types, well shag that for a game of soldiers it is about time we started looking at the big picture instead of listening to some soft in the head chatterer that wouldn’t know the real world if it came up and bit them in the face.

We allow people to breed at will regardless of their ability to produce viable young ( yes, I do like eugenics) and regardless pf their ability to actually support them.

Look at Africa as a prime example, these poor buggers have been starving for the last 25 years yet at the last count their numbers have increased by around a BILLION over the last 50 years…I think Bob Geldof is having a laugh!!

And those adverts on TV that try to bribe you into funding the ecological destruction of Africa are nothing short of shameful, this planet we live on is not just ours…what happens when we live everywhere regardless of the conditions…where do the elephant, lions and honey badgers live?

” Ukelele has to walk 25 miles everyday to get fresh water”

Well move your frigging mud hut closer to the fooking lake then you soft twat!

” Muffassa hasn’t eaten in almost a week”

Well his mam must have eaten because if she hadn’t she wouldn’t have been able to get pregnant and whilst on the subject of pregnant how about she tells Mr Muffassa to pull it out?

” Encephalitis is one of the millions of children that has malaria…without your help she/he will die…Please send £3 per month and you will receive a letter of thanks from Encephalitis”

Yes, with your help young Mr.Encephalitis will recover and grow up big and strong and will in time most probably send you a letter…and it will go something like this “ Hello My name is Gerald Sibon and I am the manager of the Royal Somalian Bank and I would like to give you £36 Million dollars, All I need from you is your bank details my friend”

Or Mr Encephalitis could come and live over here, of course he would have to bring with him his culture and traditions and on arriving upon our green and pleasant shore decide that we are all Kaffirs and regardless of the fact that it was some soft bint in Harrow with more cash that sense that funded his life and paid for his food he decides his best chance of happiness is to strap ten pounds of chapatti flour onto his back and blow himself up on public transport or cut some poor blokes head off with a meat cleaver…

That’s reyt fooking grateful for you innit!

And that  is what is happening in the UK…The population is out of control and for the most part it is the immigrant arrivals and the underclass that is driving this increase and both have far more than their fair share of  no-marks among them

So what happens when there is no greenery left in the UK and the population eventually hit 90 million people, 50 million of which are unemployable because they are either too fooking thick to work, have an Eastern European pick-pocketing empire to manage or they spend so much time time trying to work out ways to get into heaven where they can amuse themselves with 72 virgins that they only have time to decide what tea-towel to wrap around their heads on any given day rather than work for a living…not that they would would work for the kaffir…Hell no…The stupid Kaffir can work to pay their benefits.

That is the future…like it or not…There will be no rivers that flow, no trees to sit under just squalid overcrowding and the total breakdown of British social structure and the loss of everything that is wholesome and good…

Don’t believe me…then your a bigger idiot than you look :O)

 Ramadan Taxi innit

Whats that all about then?

Its 30 degrees in the shade and they won’t take a drink of water during the day…and some of these people drive our taxi’s…well I tell you now if I get in a taxi and the driver is fasting and he lapses into a low blood sugar/deghydration state of “mongness” and crashes the car I am suing every fooker that knew an idiot was in charge of a motor vehicle…seriously…Some of the taxi companies  in my home town of Sheffield have up to 600 drivers some of the drivers are fasting….If I get hurt…. they get taken to Court because they know that they have idiots behind the wheel of their cars…and I encourage everyone else to bear this in mind wherever you live…Hopefully if something goes wrong it only results in whiplash…BUT IF IT DOES, SCREW THEM TILL THE PIPS SQUEAK!!!




3 Responses to “July Blog part deux”

  1. Brilliant read Lee matey

  2. Lee I’m having a great time down here in Newquay but that has made it even better !!!!!!!!!!! Pity our politicians and do-gooders cant see it . Oh and it may smell a bit puffy but Skin So Soft from Avon works for keeping mozzies away

  3. Bob…I am here to please glad to hear you are having a good time!!

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