Lee Swords Fishing

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The almost August Fishing Blog…Contains actual fishing!!

Well, we are through July and wasn’t it a warm one! Even the rain we saw towards the very end of the month was hot! Not that I am complaining too much but as I have said previously, I have been sweating like a proper bastard during this heat wave thing that has been the British summer…

It’s been better than a diet!

One night after work I got home, stripped off and sat in a  bath of cold water and I swear I could see myself re-hydrating!

The second Sunday in July was so hot that I decided to knock the fishing on the head and do some gardening instead, seriously it was that bad!I just couldn’t face it, I just don’t like the circus atmosphere down the river when it gets hot, it makes me nervous. People do stupid things in hot weather where water is concerned

This last few weeks we have seen the two girls drown, and I believe around the country the total stands at about 13 or 14  its heartbreaking and I send my deepest condolences to their families, but kids will never listen, they will always play in water and accidents will always happen.

All I can say is “play nice” and don’t do anything too dangerous because it could end in tears.


Warm Water Barbel Fishing…Make sure you take your time!

Fishing for barbel in warm water conditions can be a very easy occupation, too easy in that it can be like shucking peas, one after another after another…

There is a reason why I use a big netDo us all a favour and slow down a bit, before even attempting to unhook, weigh and photograph your catch, rest the fish in a large landing net and make sure they go back strong, it is no good slipping a fish back only for it to belly up fifty yards down river, I am not sure what it is but when a fish is belly up it generally never rights itself again, it just dies.

So hold it by the caudal peduncle until it starts to Rest it!!pull against your hold and yes that may well be five or ten minutes, especially in low water/oxygen levels when coupled with IMG_8780oppressive thundery conditions when all water either still or moving has the least dissolved oxygen available for our fishy friends to process and the bigger the fish the more oxygen a fish needs to be happy…therefore the bigger the capture the more care will be needed to get it back into the river in a fit and proper condition.



The rain did finally arrive…Lets hope it stays sensible!


As I write this the Trent is currently rising, I am glad that the river is getting a little bit of a flush through and things are getting freshened up I do not however want to see the Trent running down the streets as it did last year. bagging machine!We seem to have had a very strong spawning this year and I would like Not massive but welcome nonethelessto see them recruit into a good year class, big rivers cannot rely solely on big fish because at the end of the day, big fish die.

Big fish are simply the top of a cycle and unless there are year classes to follow them on when they die fish populations crash and rivers become seemingly devoid of fish, rivers that once dominated the angling press fall from grace and are forgotten.

Leaving nothing but the the less fashionable and so called easy venues…Venues such as the Trent…Easy venue?

The Trent can be a bitch!

But treat a bitch with a little respect and she will still be nice to those that love her


Tim Westwood is Leaving Radio 1

Good, the man is an absolute twat, I used to have to listen to his shit “c-rap” show every time it was on because my senior chef was a hip-hop fan and I have to admit that in all my 44 years I have never heard so much bollocks being touted as music.

The safety catch of a gun being “clicked” is not musicChavs 3

The reload cycle of a pump action shotgun is not music

Foghorns are not music

Its about time Tim Westwood realised that glorifying street and ghetto culture isn’t cool its just reinforcing a negative aspect of today’s multicultural diverse Britain, a Britain that has spent 15 years importing every dickhead from around the world and saying to the next generation of British kids…Look at this…This is cool…This is cultural! Its not cultural it just some gutter rat street gangsta with 15 minutes of fame blathering bollocks, no its not cultural at all and it is not lyrical genius…its a dickhead talking fucking shit whilst some smug twat son of a vicar reap the cash in!

Good riddance I hope the next lot have better taste in music…however knowing Radio 1….I very much doubt it!


Cory Monteith

Good looking boy with a nice girlfriend, more money that he could spend in two lifetimes and a modicum of talent …But certainly

not a role model, not the coolest dude on the planet, not a person to admire, not a shooting star…just a fucking idiot.

Just like River Phoenix, John Belushi, Brittany Murphy and every other celebrity that flushes their life away on drink and drugs.

Not cool.

 Psychopathic “criminals” have empathy switch…

Well cocky-doodle-doo!

This headline accompanied an article on the BBC website that pissed me off a bit as it infers that all psychopaths are criminals and furthermore they are little more than laboratory rats that can be studied for answers into the “human condition”, I love to do online tests such as personality tests and IQ tests, the two things that became apparent very quickly were that I am aAustin powers lot brighter than the teachers at Firth Park Comprehensive had me down as, they said I was a “shit for brains” the IQ test however says that I am somewhere between 126 and 130, which isn’t genius,  just a very superior intelligence and a hell of a long way from me being dumb…

Oh, and the second thing being that I also have “Psychopathic” tendencies having scored 82.25% on those tests…

Does that make me a bad person?

Does that make me a criminal?


In fact I would go so far as to say that there is a measure of Psycopathophobia going on with this entire article, that’s right…Psycopathophobia !!

If gays can have Homophobia and Muslims can have Islamophobia, I demand that the hard working and honest ( as needs be, when it pleases us) Psychopaths of this world have the protection offered by anti-hate-speech legislation. Psychopaths are not all bad..OK, I admit it…I sometimes have minor empathy issues that on occasional manifest themselves in certain ways  that may seem inappropriate or disproportionate to the problem that caused the precipitation of my displeasure but I am not sat here typing this blog up trying to work out ways of taking over the world with a bald cat called Mr. Bigglesworth sat in my lap, not all psychopaths are bad people!!

We go to work, we love our families, we go fishing and just very occasionally when things push us just that little bit too far, we leave dead in the woods  in shallow graves anyone or anything  that interferes with this perfect balance that we have achieved in our happy and harmonious lives.


 The Church is going to war with Wonga!!

So how is this going to work then? Will the Church undercut the loan sharks? Will they only charge 3000% interest?four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse sooty

I seem to remember something about a bloke called Jesus and something about him not liking money lenders in the temple…Something along the lines of “Cleansing the Temple”006-cleansing-temple

The Church will do nothing more than add to the misery of millions if they enter the pay-day loan market, what people have to understand is the concept of living within a budget and not going beyond ones means.

And if that means not going out every night on the lash…tough shit.

Sifiso Makhubo: South African ‘serial rapist’ found dead…


This one cheered me up no end, This bloke rapes dozens of people whilst being HIV positive, which is attempted murder, his youngest victim was 10…oh yes and he killed some of them as well…This makes him a proper animal in my book.Safiso

Anyway it seems that he didn’t fancy going to trial and so he did the decent thing and hung himself in his cell with a blanket, if this had happened in the UK, I am quite sure that there would be a long line of Lawyers fighting for the chance to defend this mans posthumous Human Rights and push for compensation.

And that is because they are pig-faced parasitical wankers that would suck thinned down shit through a fungus infested sock whilst simultaneously selling the deeds to their mothers dialysis machine if it meant they got their snouts in the trough, they are the same types of people that forced the suspension and police investigation of  the five prison officers that had to restrain the wretched creature that is Michael Adebolajo. His brother seems concerned that his sibling lost a couple of teeth in the process…If I had my way the boy would be in a box by now and festering down nicely, you cannot cut some blokes head off in the middle of the day in Britain…AND HERE IS SOMETHING ELSE I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW….THAT IS THE THIRD BEHEADING IN THE UK IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS!!!!

That’s right…Third!

And I even knew one of the victims, she was a very pretty little thingramzam that used to get on the same bus as me when I was on my way to work, she wore the headscarf but seemed to be quite Westernised, perhaps that’s what tipped her killer over the edge…whatever the reason I hope the evil bastard  burns in Hell Fire.

Anyway the original point of this part of the blog has drifted slightly…I propose that ALL prison cells in the UK have an “In Case of Remorse Break Glass” panel fitted by the side of the door that contains one tablet of cyanide that can be ingested at will, either that or a pull down noose, if I am honest I am not really bothered which as both options save the tax payer millions of pounds as they do the Defense Lawyers out of  loads of  taxpayers cash, cash they earn ( and I say that in the loosest of terms) when they take their vile clients to their pointless but exorbitantly expensive appeals and probation hearings.

hiv virusAnd as a finishing point to this little section…South Africa now has a HIV rate of around 17% which is terrifyingly high…one day…one of the people with the HIV is going to develop a different variant of the virus because that’s what virus’s do, they mutate.

When that happens we are all in the shit….So do us all a favour you people at the WHO send them some extra large condoms for crying out loud!!


South African chef that’s too fat to live in New Zealand…that’s me buggered then…


An immigration spokesman for New Zealand said South African Mr Buitenhuis’s application had been rejected because of his obesity, his extra weight put him at significant risk of health complications including diabetes, hypertension and heart disease.

“It is important that all migrants have an acceptable standard of health to minimise costs and demands on New Zealand’s health services,” he said.

Well fooock me!

Finally somebody in a position of power that has some measure of common sense!

So, can somebody in the Government of New Zealand have a word with our Government because Britain seems to have an over abundance of potbellied TB infested Roma Gypsies from Eastern Europe, HIV infected Africans as well as all manner of recessive genetic failings that run rife among the Pakistani Muslim community of Great Britain, a community that loves nothing better than breeding with close blood relatives …something that is always a recipe for disaster…Yup, the PMC of GB have it all, they have deaf, blind and diabetic plus  syndromes galore and the simply “spannered”, they have them all and at much higher rates than are normal, so nobody can say that what I am saying is “untruthful”

Look at the NHS…it is shagged…take away all the “imported” costs… It looks better already doesn’t it?

Time to deport the unhealthy non indigenous people of the UK!

“Whoaaaaahh there Swordsy” I hear you say “Isn’t that a little bit heartless and lacking in empathy?”

“Don’t you dare have a go at me…That’s Psychopathaphobia you hate-speaking heartless twat!”


Speak soon…TTFN

3 Responses to “The almost August Fishing Blog…Contains actual fishing!!”

  1. Having dealt recently with new zealand immigration Lee they arent really that sensible or good.
    My NZ immigration officer Xi lin Dong was barely understandable on the phone and couldnt even read the stamps in my passport. She tried in her pigeon kiwi to convince me i had been here since 2010 , absolutely fucking useless.
    And as for being tooo fat , thats just not possible here !! Maori’s fat as fuck and all the immigrant samoan, fijian and tongan’s wouldnt know what special k was !!!!!!
    Rant over !!!!!

  2. Agree with everything in this 100% mate !!!!!!!!!!

  3. I just think it was an excuse…I bet they just don’t like South Africans


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